March 31st, 2008
Well, I guess the party is over. That’s to say my compulsion to write has subsided. It was an anomaly. It seems to have been precipitated by a short term personal crisis.
I learned long ago that only long term experiences create long lasting changes in behavior. So it’s no surprise that writing, for me, would wane and I would revert back to my quiet ways. I still have plenty of weired, clever and sometimes profound thoughts. But are they really worth documenting? For me, feeding a sense of self-importance is a waste.
I’ll leave this blog on line. Who knows, someone may wander in and profit. Like a note in a bottle washing up on a distant shore. And besides, I’m not paying for the server space.
Regards,
Steve
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
March 4th, 2008
One of my goals in life is to get my wife to laugh once a day. Seeing me naked does not count. Yesterday was a good one.
She had received a mail-in stool sample test kit from our health care provider. After following the instructions and sealing up the return envelope, she noticed there was a place for a return address. She said, “I don’t want this thing coming back to me!”.
Being the ever loving wise ass that I am I said, “Well, write in the name and address of someone you don’t like.” That got her laughing for a good two minutes. That’s a long time to laugh.
Laughter may not keep us healthy, but it’s probably why I’m still married.
Posted in Humor | No Comments »
March 2nd, 2008
I was wrong. What a liberating sentence that is. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted from my chest. Wait, maybe that was a passing heart attack.
Either way, I was wrong. Since childhood I had been led to believe that life gets better. That Society is on a path of enlightenment. Western Civilization is bound to progress. Each generation stands on the shoulders of the previous one. I WAS WRONG.
I realize now, that’s not how life works. The Dark Ages, the Inquisition, slavery, global war, famine, oppression, poverty, intolerance, indifference, prejudice and worst of all, ignorance. All these things are with us today. Just as they have been for centuries. But as a kid, I thought prosperity, opportunity and enlightenment would rule the day. Silly me.
So, what’s so liberating? Now I can observe the world around me and see it’s just business as usual. And not wonder why it all went wrong. On the upside, if you ever wonder what life was like at any time in the past, well, you get the idea.
Posted in Philosophy | No Comments »
February 29th, 2008
PBS recently broadcast a program on brain fitness. Fascinating stuff. Or so it seemed. Some programs have five minutes of information dragged out over an entire hour. This show fired some much information at me that I started to think my brain was getting a bit dim.
That’s when I got suspicious. The first rule of being a COM (cranky old man) is “always be suspicious”. (That was also a tenant of the hippie generation). This show was part of a pledge drive. The pledge gifts were all products to improve your brain fitness.
Well listen kids. Brain fitness is not what it seems. Sure it makes you more alert and cheerful. But beware. You start showing up for work bright-eyed and alert and (dare I say it) sharp, your boss will be loading you up with more work. And your co-workers will not hesitate to pawn off their responsibilities on your sorry ass.
If brain fitness becomes a craze, it could become the new drug of choice. And that’s all it is. Brain chemistry. Trust me, stick to the tried and true drugs that have kept us in good stead all these years. Alcohol, caffeine and nicotine. And to twist a phrase from the great philosopher J.G. Wentworth, “It’s your brain. Use it when you want to”.
Posted in Humor, Philosophy | No Comments »
February 21st, 2008
I just watched “Bowling for Columbine”. Or at least part of it. You know, that Michael Moore movie about gun violence in America. I can only take so much M. Moore in one sitting. I also watched a show about how smart higher primates are.
What’s the connection? Well, perhaps America’s astronomical gun-related murder rate has to do with our obsession with showing our teeth. In the animal world, baring one’s teeth is a sign of aggression. We humans can smile without showing off our teeth. But no, Americans have to bare their pearly whites.
So the next time you are watching the news, notice how many Crest commercials there are. And if you’re looking for an excuse for not going to the dentist, just tell them you are doing your part to lower the crime rate.
Posted in Editorial, Humor | No Comments »
February 19th, 2008
John Wayne; iconic Hollywood actor.
Robin Williams; great comedian.
Rachael Rae, Paula Deen, Sandra Lee; Food Network line up.
Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis; famous comedy team.
Lee Harvey Oswald; famous assassin.
You see where I’m going with this. They only have first names. Is this country ready for Barack Obama? My money is on Ron Paul.
Posted in Editorial, Humor | No Comments »
February 16th, 2008
Wifey and I paid a visit to our son and his girlfriend in Sacramento a few days ago. We had lunch at a place called the Squeeze Inn. It’s a teeny tiny little place. It was featured on the Food Network’s Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.
What makes this place special is their cheese burger. It may look weird but it is delicious. That is grated cheese, melted by the steam of shaved ice thrown on the grill and covered with a pot lid.
There is parking for six cars. Only. If you ever go there, park at McDonald’s (it’s within walking distance), select a sacrificial member of your party to go into the Mac place for a cup of coffee. The rest of your party can bring back a Squeeze Burger for the poor sod who drew the short straw.
Anyway, after the burgers (by the way, the fries are awesome too) we went to an ice cream parlor for dessert. While we were there, Number Two Son related a story from his youth. It wasn’t that funny, but we were all in tears laughing. It was like we’d been smoking Thai Stick or something. Must have been something in the burgers.
And the story…in high school my son had to run “The Mile” in P.E. class. He did not want to. So I advised him to tell the coach that running was akin to dancing, which our religion prohibits. See, I told you it wasn’t funny.
Pass the bong.
Posted in Humor | No Comments »
February 9th, 2008
Once upon a time (read 1950-1980) the World had fewer things to worry about. There was the Atomic Bomb, the Cold War and the Population Bomb. We still have nuclear weapons to worry about. And the Cold War seems to have morphed into a Geo-Petrol-Jihad. But what about the Population Bomb.
The theory was that, population growth would exceed agricultural production, resulting in mass famine. It never happened. Some well meaning botanist developed a type of short stalked high yield wheat that would grow almost anywhere.
So, today the World population is nearly 6.8 billion. And if all goes as planned, they/we will succeed in consuming enough petroleum based energy to severely screw up the planet.
I guess the lesson today is, one man really can make a difference. If the aforementioned botanist had not found a way to defuse the Population Bomb, there would be fewer of us to eff up the environment. But I’m sure we would have gotten the job done in the end.
footnote: I hate to sound so pessimistic. The Big Picture does look bleak. All the more reason to seek peace and beauty on the personal scale. Is that sappy or what.
Posted in Editorial | No Comments »
February 1st, 2008
For all my cynicism of politics, I still vote. Yeah, I know Washington politics is all Big Money and lobbyists and corruption. My delusion is that voting gives me the right to bitch.
And I’ve never voted for a winning candidate or cause. But this week something special happened. Five minutes after filling out my absentee ballot, the guy I voted for dropped out of the election! I knew he would not win. I was making a statement. But Jeezs Louise, (insert favorite deity here) must be having a good laugh.
Anyway, I paid my dues (and $.54 postage) so now I can ramble on.
Posted in Editorial, Humor | No Comments »
January 29th, 2008
I’ve been reading a history of the English language. Fascinating story. It explains where different words come from. Like “lug”, from the Norse invaders. When the Normans (Northern France) invaded, they Frenched it up by creating the word “luggage”. And when the Dutch invaded, they brought grammar. You know, subject-verb-object. Previously, a words spelling (or pronunciation) determined it’s grammar. “King rides horse” could be easily come out “Horse rides King”.
Much of the history of the English language is the history of successful invasions of England. And of the co-mingling of two languages, creating a new layer. It’s like an onion or a pearl. One layer built on the previous.
One point the was sort of glossed over, but really struck me, was this. The words we use today that carry the most emotional impact, come from that first layer. They are the one syllable words. Words like stop, kill, eat, hit, go. And all the best profane words are one syllable words. I’ll let you make your own list.
Shakespeare probably knew what he was doing when he wrote, what was to become, the best known quotation in the English language. “To be, or not to be”. All one syllable words making a powerful statement.
footnote: 2BR02B was seen on a personalized license plate. If you read the zero as “naught”, well you get it. It will be fun to see the effect texting has on our language. And during this political season, look for those little words. A good speech writer knew what he was doing when he gave JFK the words “Ask Not”.
Posted in Editorial | No Comments »
